Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
