So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
