So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
