I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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