this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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