He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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