I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
