I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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