I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
