I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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