yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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