Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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