I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
