why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
