I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
