im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
