a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize