so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
