I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
