he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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