You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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