Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
