and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
