she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
