You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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