he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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