don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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