honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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