let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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