life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
