Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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