I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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