I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
