Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
