he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I FOUND THE LEGS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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