I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize