I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
