Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
