He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The best revenge is premature balding
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
