Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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