I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
