WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
