I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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