I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
