the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
