i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
please come you make the beer taste better
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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