Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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