The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sober January is a disaster.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
