It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
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Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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