You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
