No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
