Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
