Porn is love you can see.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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