I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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