Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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