Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
