guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
