hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
