Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
