So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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