Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
