Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
