True but thats because hes a fetus.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
