yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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