So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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