omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
